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demos

by raddicus finch

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1.
sometimes i wish i'd lose control and let the walls cave in i'd like to feel those wooden beams piercing through my skin the eerie thought of blood and guts gives me a lot of glee too bad your bless-ed fragile mind isn't cynical like me it feels so good to know that i could tear you apart to shreds, i would i wish you were having as much fun as me i like to set your things on fire and watch them die in flames not as much as conjuring things and putting you up to blame let us sink into my bed like a euphoric breeze we tend to isolate ourselves being cynical like we
2.
i said 'hope', i was wrong shut my mouth, get out the car leave me room ((i've got no room)) i'll look away and hope it works is it 8? or is it 9? i promise i am not the kind of girl who gets through life on lies i don't wanna count this time next time you'll remember me: that girl with high anxiety cuz men like you tend to be strung out on masculinity i'll try not to let this man feed into my depression one thing is for sure, no doubt: that one doesn't count!
3.
wincing 02:30
i was fucking around, didn't know what you'd think all fucking around with too much to drink i'll pretend i'm fine like i'm stupid and numb we'll go to the show and sing 'too drunk 2 cum' remember the times when it was all new? it ended with times where there was nothing to do now it's feeling alright like we both have a say i'd kill for the times that it'd been this way i can't harm anyone but myself i'll glance at the guys that try to be cute wish i could talk to them and get over you for the thousandth time, i'm feeling alright i'm happier now that there's no end in sight i'll close me eyes when i'm trying to see the kind of people that we wanna be i'm doing alright if you wanted to know i'm doing alright since i've watched you go i can't harm anyone but myself i can't trust anyone but myself i can't be with anyone but myself
4.
as they are 02:49
i get lost when you try to find me i'll remember to bring some bread i've been thinking about them lately haven't been feeling dead my tights keep ripping from the friction i'm not sure if i care i'm narcissistic with conviction i'm compulsive and cut my hair i wanna vomit on their faces i'll shower you with what i feel i'm feeling good in many places i like it when your lips are sealed if you're thinking the same as i am tell me we're all good paint me a slut, whatever, i guess you would and you could i am happy, i don't give a fuck what you think, you're not happy spin me lies and hurtful words, i love to fuck up all your lies do you think i'm prettier this way? i don't care what you think being me is a luxury being me is what i wanna be
5.
6.
i lack confidence wherever you see fit i know you - you'll knock it back in place strangle all the choices that i make choke 'em out until they grasp for air make me believe that you really care make me believe that we're the perfect pair he likes to take me on vacations - last week he took me on a guilt trip force me into all of my panics, then say i take things too serious make me believe i'm just a stupid bitch make me believe that there's no more to this i lose my confidence every time you fuck me snap me into a motherfucking daydream i'm gonna be the girl who's always fucking reaching i'm not meant to fucking settle for these things check in on me every time i'm happy - that way you'll never lose your grip on me tell all of your friends your girlfriend's fucking crazy that way they'll never know what's going on make them believe you're someone that you're not make me believe you're all that i got
7.
you think i care 'bout you cuz i'm a succubus? i really wanna get in your head ever cross your mind maybe you're useless? i've thought about it twice when you're in my bed do you get off on being ambiguous? don't touch me there unless i've said hey, maybe i think you've confused us with memories and winters of discontent tell me what to do you know i'll do it you know that i'm here to please tell me what to do you know i'll do it just know that i'm not cheap you think that i love you cuz i'm a succubus? my mind edits all that you've said ever think you'll find someone that you trust? i'm not here for you in the end fucking use me until i'm turned to dust 'wow, i didn't know you're so well-read' hey, maybe i think you've confused us with some women that actually give a shit
8.
i'll just make sure to navigate life cautiously, avoiding potential attacks i'll slip in comforting buzz words randomly, to push you away i'll kick walls and scream into pillows inaudibly, drowned out by white noise i'll make faces in mirrors ensuring nothing get through to you i'll drink copious amounts of caffeine religiously, to hide my stress i'll smoke more bowls of weed daily, to make sense of my lethargy i'll play music in my room loudly, to cover up all self-reflection i'll lay in my bed indefinitely, refusing to accept i'm ill
9.
moonsick 03:18
i just got sick in a brand new way your 'filthy mind' is a joke my sickness has a lot to say last time i checked you choked i killed you in my head six times today the new high score has been set god is begging for me to pray is he real or is it in my head? oh, i just can't place it am i wrong or am i gonna die? so close, i'm gonna commit a stupid crime and say goodbye sometimes i wish i'd forget the pictures in my mind's eyes oh, i guess i'm listening to myself i like to think i'm what you see a face that looks unaware they say insanity comes in threes three too many i could bear they're all coming after me the time has come to succumb my conscious is absentee body is done, high and strung oh, i just can't place it am i wrong or am i gonna die? so close, i'm gonna commit suicide and say goodbye sometimes i wish i'd forget the pictures in my mind's eyes oh, i guess i'm listening to myself

about

a bunch of messy demos that will hopefully become more one day

credits

released March 29, 2021

all songs (besides 'can't say') written by mia fernandez
all songs recorded by mia fernandez on a panasonic voice recorder in a bath tub
album artwork by mia fernandez

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raddicus finch Los Angeles, California

pretty sad, pretty disappointing

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